Nostalgia
by obligatory fic
Summary: To most, she's a bad memory. To the rest, she's little more than that. // Suggested character death.
1. Mourning

I have so much to say about this one, but I can't really put it into words. Oh well.

* * *

Weak fingers were curled around the scroll, creating deep folds and wrinkles in the paper that had already been marred by the clawed grip of a messenger hawk. It was funny, she mused, how much care was always taken when writing such important letters -- every character drawn with perfection and not a stray dot of ink to be seen -- and yet in the end, they ended up torn and bent and broken anyway. The irony of it all made Ty Lee smile.

She couldn't remember the last time a smile hurt so much.

Her grip tightened for a moment before relaxing, allowing the parchment to uncurl and present the surreal message that lied within it. Ty Lee had already read and memorized the information it held many times over, but a nauseous, sinking warmth that lied somewhere between her heart and her stomach kept her from setting the note aside. The words on the letter hadn't changed from the past few times she read it, and it was then that some snake-like feeling began to slither inside her chest and tickle her heart painfully.

A voice -- the one that had, lately, been circling scattered thoughts almost constantly -- prodded her sharply in the back of her mind, and Ty Lee suddenly remembered the promise she'd made to herself that day at the Boiling Rock prison. Pushing the scroll away with forced, mechanical movements, tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

Perhaps, Ty Lee wondered, if she hadn't sworn the once-princess out of her life for good -- hadn't refused herself the chances to visit and help the girl in the asylum -- hadn't ignored the doubts in her mind that reminded her of the strange friendship they once shared -- then maybe whatever had been poisoning Azula's broken mind wouldn't have been nearly as deadly as it was.

Staying true to her oath, she rolls over onto her side and does her best to convince herself of the opposite.


	2. Remembering

Thanks for the reviews so far, guys :3 Oh, and regarding Rava77's question: could be, could be. I imagine it would be more of an unconscious thing, though; a lack of will to survive rather than making an effort to die. Know what I mean?

This one gave me a lot of trouble, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out (as opposed to how it started, anyway). Hope you all feel the same way.

* * *

The metal felt cool under her thumb, sharpened edge pressing against the skin hard enough to excite her nerves with dull pain, but never hard enough to elicit blood. It reminded her that she could still feel during the times that she didn't.

There was a feeling that was _almost_ sadness. It spread and settled in her mind like a virus, tickling her memories and emotions with long, calloused fingers. The rest of the world had eventually become nothing but a nagging blur as her thoughts consumed her.

She stopped to consider: an old friend was gone and Mai felt as if she had lost nothing at all -- though, at this point in her life, maybe there was never anything to lose anyway. After all, what she'd once had was already lost a long time ago, and the time to grieve had already come and passed with great stealth.

"You okay?"

Zuko wasn't one to be sneaky, and Mai wasn't one to be jumpy, but his presence startled her. The interruption was a welcome one, though; she didn't particularly feel like dwelling on the topic any longer, and turned to her husband calmly.

"Fine," she assured him, swallowing back the unconscious urge to say "no". If the fire lord caught her hesitation, he didn't show it. Instead he sighed heavily and sat on the edge of their bed. All Mai could see was the way his wrinkled brow and deep frown made him appear so much older than he was... How long had it been since his inauguration? Mere years?

"My uncle suggested a funeral." His voice was carefully neutral, Mai noted, and in the mirror she could see his face turned away from her. "What do you think?"

The fire lady closed her eyes and watched the colors shift behind her lids.

Azula was, in every aspect, a very unlikable and immoral person: she exhibited an unnatural cruelty and promised loyalty only to herself and to her nation. The fire princess, before her madness, offered little evidence of her humanity...and even _after_ her madness, she seemed more feral than human. For most people, her malice tended to outshine any of her benevolence.

Mai wasn't sure if she was most people or not. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be.

"Yes."

She opened her eyes, frowning as reality filled her vision once more.


End file.
